Will therapy help a narcissist? The short answer is no & here’s what you can do about it.
Why most narcissists do not benefit from therapy
Psychotherapy requires emotional curiosity, a willingness to take responsibility for your behavior and an ability to reflect on your life and your decisions. Narcissists, by definition, lack empathy, lack the ability to self reflect and are unable to take responsibility for their behavior. When you put a narcissist in therapy, they often are confused by the process. They tend to act defensively, argue with the therapist about the issues raised and deflect when asked questions. They do not understand the purpose of therapy as they do not see problems with their own behavior. In the majority of cases, psychotherapy with a narcissist is a waste of time, both for the narcissist and for the narcissist’s loved ones who had hoped that therapy would help the narcissist to change.
A narcissist generally gets very little out of therapy because their very deficits are the very ingredients for successful self improvement.
If you have a narcissist in your life, it is far more useful for you to focus on healing from the narcissistic abuse you suffered rather than focusing your energy on trying to change the narcissist.
Understanding narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation that occurs in relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder. The narcissist uses various tactics to control and demean others, leaving them feeling isolated, confused, and emotionally drained. Narcissistic abuse is insidious and can be challenging to recognize, especially when you are deeply involved in the relationship. However, understanding the signs is crucial for your healing and liberation. Some common signs of narcissistic abuse include:
1. Manipulation and gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating and distorting reality to make you doubt yourself and question your sanity.
2. Emotional and psychological manipulation: Narcissists often employ tactics such as guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, and constant criticism to gain control over you.
3. Lack of empathy: Narcissists have little to no capacity for empathy and are unable to understand or validate your emotions.
4. Isolation and control: Narcissists isolate you from friends and family, creating a dependency on them for validation and support.
5. Constant need for admiration: Narcissists crave constant attention and admiration, making you feel like you are never enough.
Recognizing these signs is the first step towards breaking free from the cycle of abuse. By understanding the dynamics of narcissistic relationships, you can begin to reclaim your power and start rebuilding your life.
Healing from narcissistic abuse: the recovery process
Narcissistic abuse takes a significant toll on your mental health, leaving you with deep emotional scars. The constant invalidation and manipulation can lead to a range of psychological issues, including:
1. Low self-esteem: Narcissists systematically erode your self-worth, leaving you feeling worthless and inadequate.
2. Anxiety and depression: The constant stress and emotional turmoil of the relationship can result in anxiety and depression.
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Survivors of narcissistic abuse often experience symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and hypervigilance.
4. Difficulty trusting others: The betrayal and deceit experienced in a narcissistic relationship can make it challenging to trust others in the future.
5. Identity loss: Narcissists often strip you of your individuality, leaving you feeling lost and disconnected from yourself.
Understanding the impact of narcissistic abuse on your mental health is crucial for your healing journey. It's important to seek professional help and support to address these issues and regain your emotional well-being.
Building self-esteem and self-worth after narcissistic abuse
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a complex process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Here are some essential steps to aid your recovery:
1. Acknowledge the abuse: Recognize and accept that you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Validate your experiences and understand that it was not your fault.
2. Cut off contact (if possible) or establish firm boundaries: Establish no contact (if possible) with the narcissist to create a safe space for healing. This may include blocking their phone number, email, and social media accounts. If blocking them is not possible, set firm boundaries that protect your sanity from their ongoing provocations. Setting boundaries is a powerful tool that allows you to protect your emotional well-being and regain control over your life. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it will become an empowering habit.
3. Seek professional help: Consider working with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse to guide you through the healing process and provide support.
4. Build a support network: Surround yourself with trusted friends and family who understand and validate your experiences. Join support groups for narcissistic abuse survivors to connect with others who have gone through similar situations.
5. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This can include activities like meditation, yoga, journaling, and engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
6. Educate yourself: Learn more about narcissistic personality disorder and the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Knowledge empowers you to recognize red flags and protect yourself in the future.
7. Reconnect with your values and passions: Rediscover your interests, passions, and values that may have been suppressed during the abusive relationship. Reconnecting with these aspects of yourself can help rebuild your sense of identity and purpose.
Remember, healing is a journey, and it takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate each small step forward.
Focus on your own resilience, not the narcissist’s behavior
It is tempting to try to change the narcissist. Many narcissists have vulnerable sides that are downright compelling. But just because this person expresses vulnerability at times does not mean that they are willing or able to change their abusive behavior. You have a right to build a happy and healthy future for yourself that does not involve someone gaslighting or manipulating you. Remember, your past does not define your future. You have the power to create a life filled with joy, fulfillment, and healthy relationships.