Co-parenting with a narcissist at Halloween: How to protect your sanity
Are you dreading Halloween because you share custody with a narcissist? Halloween monsters and goblins have nothing on the maniacal behavior that a narcissist engages in when they don’t get their way, especially on a holiday.
Narcissists, who may otherwise be disinterested in their kids’ lives, will insist on having their kids on Halloween. Not because they want to bond with their kids, but because they want to appear to others to be an involved parent. Kids, to a narcissist, are like props on a movie set. Something to be used for a scene and then discarded. Chances are they have identified a social occasion where it benefits them to be seen with their kids. They may also have a new partner whom they want to impress by having their kids on Halloween.
What you can expect from the narcissist at Halloween:
Insisting on switching days so that they can have the kids for ‘premium’ Halloween time
Bringing a brand-new partner to a Halloween event at the kids’ school
Controlling which costume the children wear
Inviting the kids to an event that occurs on your custody day and hyping this event to the kids so that they are begging to attend
When your narcissistic ex has you flustered (and enraged) with their antics, rely on my 5 Commandments for Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex.
5 Commandments for Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex:
1. Expect the worst
Just know that this person is going to reach new lows with their selfish, inappropriate behavior. Holidays are peak season for narcissistic acting out.
2. Everything in writing
Do not communicate with your ex in person or over the phone. Email is the best vehicle for communication because it allows you to breathe, take a step back and respond when you’re ready. It also provides a transcript for the conversation.
3. Do not give supply
The narcissist wants to believe that they are powerful. They do this by provoking you with their behavior. When you express anger at them, this is proof to them that they are powerful. Your frustration, anger and exasperation is their “supply,” the energy that they need to thrive.
4. Do not ask for favors
When a special event falls on your ex’s custody day, it is so tempting to ask to switch days. With a considerate, empathic co-parent, this would be a good idea. With a narcissist, however, you would be indebted to someone who enjoys abusing you. Not a great idea.
5. Make your own plans
Attend the Halloween parade at the kids’ school. Go to a trunk or treat the weekend before Halloween. Plan a trip to a pumpkin patch and take a million photos. Make sure that you make as many Halloween memories with your kids as possible and do not tell your ex about your plans.
Co-parenting with a narcissist sucks, but it is better than still being in a relationship with them. If you’re looking for more tools for surviving (and enjoying!) the holiday season despite your narcissistic ex’s antics, watch my free webinar called “Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: Holiday Edition.” Here’s the link.