Dreading Thanksgiving with your in-laws? Here’s your key to sanity!
What is the secret to a happy (or at least tolerable) Thanksgiving with your in-laws?
Do you need to perform consecutive hours of loving-kindness meditations?
Will 3 glasses of wine with dinner take the edge off?
Should you pop a fake COVID test in order to avoid Thanksgiving?
The above are indeed solid suggestions, but those are not the secret to surviving Thanksgiving with your in-laws. The strategy I suggest is walking the dog. And, no, ‘walking the dog’ is not a euphemism for sex. I am recommending that you literally walk a dog in order to retain your sanity.
Dogs are the ultimate Thanksgiving must-have. They give you a reason to throw on your sneakers and excuse yourself from the premises, several times per day. During this walk, you can listen to a podcast, enjoy the autumn weather, and decompress from the family immersion. Research shows that even 15 minutes of walking can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and tension. And this is good news because we all know how your in-laws have raised your cortisol levels in the past.
What if you don’t have a dog? Fair question. The dog is not essential to this strategy; the dog is just an easy prop for your exits. You can take frequent walks even without a dog. Claim you’re ‘stuffed’ and need to ‘walk it off.’ Fake a phone call with a relative that you’re going to take on your walk. Tell your in-laws that you’re popping out to grab something. Any reason to take a quick walk.
Walking the dog - or leaving the house for breaks - acts as a ‘fire extinguisher’ of sorts. Because you are an emotionally attuned person, you notice everything. You hear your father in law taking subtle digs at your decision to buy a new car. You notice your mother in law guilting your spouse that no one visits her. You observe your sister in law eating bacon despite claiming to be vegan. Your spouse may be oblivious to all of this but your blood is starting to boil. Rather than opening your mouth and saying something, grab the proverbial ‘fire extinguisher’ (aka your sneakers) and douse your growing anger before you burst into flames.
As a semi-outsider to this family, you can identify issues and dynamics that even your spouse cannot see. It can be hard to see the dysfunction and not feel empowered to address it, like perhaps you could with your own family. Taking breaks enables you to remember the adage ‘not my circus, not my monkeys.’ Walking away from your in-laws (briefly) will help to remind you to refocus on the gratitude that you feel on Thanksgiving. Remember, it’s your holiday too!